I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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