I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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