you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
