Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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