the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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