Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
