We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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