wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
