lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
