I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
