The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
