I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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