I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
