so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
