Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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