My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
