You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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