I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
