It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
