Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
