Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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