if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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