Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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