She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
