My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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