On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
