She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
