That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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