now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
