sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have tasted many bathrooms
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
