Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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