And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
