he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
