I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?