absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
