I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
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please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
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gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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