Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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