He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.