Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
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I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.