I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
