peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.