Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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