My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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