he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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