So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
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I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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