I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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