I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
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Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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