I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
