I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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