we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
