so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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