i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
