you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
