Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
