hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
