No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
