I have demons in me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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