I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
