Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
