the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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