dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's blow job season.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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