I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
