he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
