He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
