There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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