dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
