There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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