i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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