No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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