News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You need Xanax blowdarts
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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