Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
